


Not Fade Away

by Chya



Category: Mutant X
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-29
Updated: 2003-12-29
Packaged: 2018-01-06 15:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1108586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chya/pseuds/Chya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Power Play AU. Jesse doesn't rematerialise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Fade Away

Brennan looked down in horror, electricity still sparking from his fingertips. He'd failed. His gaze flitted around the room in an effort to find something that would deny the facts. Finally, he met Emma's eyes, as shocked as his own, but with something else, something more.

"He's gone," she whispered, "I can't feel him anymore." If possible, her eyes widened and she grabbed at Shalimar. The feral's eyes were gold, her teeth bared, her feline fury in full evidence. And then it sparked out. Abruptly and completely. "Shal, no!" Emma tried to pull the older woman to her, to comfort her, but the blonde coolly pushed her away.

"There's still some unfinished business," she hissed, and this new, cold fury was so completely different to the red-hot anger that normally took Shalimar that Brennan felt ice down his spine.

"Brennan?" came Adam's voice. "Brennan! Shalimar! What's happening?"

"We lost him, Adam. I couldn't hold him together," Brennan replied, unable to hide his distress.

"Oh God," Adam sighed, and the elemental could hear the sorrow in the older man's voice but couldn't bring himself to care. "I'm so sorry. Listen, Brennan, you have to - "

"Don't, Adam. I don't want to know." Brennan shut Adam off and followed Shalimar out of the chamber. But both of them hesitated slightly, reluctant to leave the room where there might, just maybe, be some small part of Jesse remaining.

"Adam," Emma said, her voice shaking slightly, "just. we need some time. We'll be home soon."

"I know, Emma, believe me," Adam's voice was strained. "But we need to -"

"Don't worry, Adam," Emma said with a small sad smile. "It's not a problem. We'll see you soon." She cut Adam off and swept past her two remaining teammates. "He's not here anymore, you know," she said without breaking stride and, with a final glance back, Brennan and Shalimar followed.

By the time the team returned, Adam was in a kind of shock he hoped never to experience again. Not only had he lost one of his protégé's, but in a sense he'd lost the rest of the team too. He'd always known that the chances were high that they'd lose a team member, had even prepared himself as much as anyone can when facing the prospect of losing a friend and colleague. But what he hadn't been prepared for was the concentrated fury with which the remaining three had eliminated those that they perceived had caused Jesse's death.

It had been his own suggestion to use the electro-magnetic pulse, and they'd listened. He wished in hindsight that they hadn't. For Sophia and the Colonel the ending was inevitable; only the method was in question. But no pathologist would have been able to tell whether one or the other had died from electrocution, evisceration or brain haemorrhage, as the final blow had ensured the villains own lasers had reduced them to two neat piles of ash.

When the Double Helix returned to Sanctuary Emma was the first one in to see Adam, her posture straight and dignified as she held her grief in, eyes brimming yet no tears falling. Adam made a mental note to talk to her a little later, when the shock had worn off, and perhaps have her exorcise her grief in a controlled environment. One where it wouldn't matter what spontaneously combusted.

"Adam," she greeted, and accepted a firm hug. No more words were necessary for that moment, which stretched on for as long as they both needed.

Adam saw Shalimar pass, saw her indifferent glance towards them before heading off towards her room and thought it odd. The feral was not one to keep her emotions in check. From her he expected howling grief and furious rage, not icy silence.

"We'll have a briefing later, after we've all rested, okay?" Adam said, breaking the hug. Emma nodded, blinking back the unshed tears.

"Shal isn't handling very well," she said softly.

Adam looked her straight in the eye and replied, "I don't think any of us are."

Eyes sliding away from her mentor, Emma flushed slightly and shrugged. "But Shalimar is really not handling well. I've never seen her like this."

"Emma, none of you have seen any of the others like this. We've never lost anyone close to us since we've been here and don't forget, Shalimar was so close to Jesse he was to all intents and purposes her brother. To her feral instincts it must seem as though she's lost a cub or. or littermate." Adam paused, and then said, "I'll talk to her. But in the meantime I want you to think about yourself. About Jesse. About whatever you need to, to begin the grieving process. Now is not the time to be worrying about anyone else, you understand?"

Emma nodded, and brushing an escaping tear angrily aside, left Adam to the sounds of the rampaging bull that was Brennan.

The one person he could rely on being predictable, thought Adam with some relief, was Brennan. And sure enough, the tall young man was hitting everything within his extensive reach as he strode through the corridors of Sanctuary. Adam cringed as something no doubt expensive smashed to the floor. Thankfully, Brennan was enough in control to take himself in the direction of the training room where he could take his temper out on computer simulations.

Adam waited a while; let Brennan vent some before going to talk to him. But, when he finally entered the training room, what disturbed him were the simulations that Brennan had chosen. Simulacrums of Jesse, Adam and Brennan himself took their share of physical battery and electrical energy, although it seemed that Brennan never could quite catch Jesse.

Express what you're thinking, Adam thought. It might not be pretty to look at, but at least Brennan had his feelings out in the open.

Deciding to leave Brennan to it for now, Adam went to see Shalimar. The encounter was brief, yet unsatisfying to the behavioural scientist in him.

"Jesse's gone Adam, I know that," she'd told him matter of factly, a smile on her lips but her eyes dead. "Don't worry about me, you look pretty rough yourself."

What could he say to her? She was right, he needed to take his own advice and look to himself.

Later, after a subdued debriefing, where Shalimar sat in distracted silence while Brennan paced restlessly, Emma described everything as she'd seen it. Ending with the way Jesse's face had contorted, veins standing out at throat and temple as he fought for air right before he blurred and faded and quietly dispersed.

And there was the crux, Adam thought. Jesse was gone. He wasn't dead, he hadn't blown up, there was no body to give closure and he hadn't run away to be elsewhere. He was just. gone. And Adam didn't like that.

Emma suggested a memorial service, to which he absently nodded consent before closeting himself in his lab. There had to be something, somewhere. research, that was what he was best at.

And that was how he'd bury his own grief.

*****

Betsheva was the only witness to the strange event that occurred in the back alley. She was happily sunning herself on top of the dumpster when her hackles rose of their own accord. She sniffed the air and swivelled her ears attempting to find the source of her concern.

After a moment, the air seemed to silently implode, molecules dancing in the sunlight, buzzing, forming and reforming until, with a sudden pop, a body materialised and fell to earth with a thump.

She blinked, looked at the unmoving body and considered its potential for danger or food. Deciding that neither was likely, she stretched out and returned to her sunbathing.

*****

Emma watched Adam staring closely at a monitor with symbols flying every which way. She opened her senses a little, not to be intrusive but just to see if she could get some idea of what he was feeling.

She couldn't help worrying, that was her nature. And everyone worried her. for she felt as though she were the only one dealing with their loss. She'd cried herself out over the initial shock, the final memory she had of him convulsing in agony, and fully expected to cry some more. Right now she wanted, needed, the closeness of the team's normal unity, but it wasn't happening. Everyone was blocking everyone else out and she felt left out in the cold.

Withdrawing her senses, she wasn't surprised that the only thing she had felt from Adam was chaos, which really wasn't so difficult to understand.

She tried clearing her throat a couple of times. but Adam didn't seem to hear her.

"Adam?" she called softly, then a little louder, "Adam?"

It was the fourth call before he turned his head towards her, his normally intense expression hopelessly vacant.

Emma waited a moment until she was sure he was with her, and then asked, "Have you told Noah? Jesse's family?" she clarified when his expression became puzzled.

"Ah, no. No," he said, turning back to his screen.

"Adam," Emma's tone was disbelieving. "Don't you think we should?"

Adam looked at her for moment, then said, "There is only Noah and he dropped out of sight months ago. In any case I'd rather explore all possibilities first."

Emma blinked as a sudden irrational hope started blossom. "What, you think we might - you think that maybe, that maybe he's not - that we could get him back?"

"Well, no," Adam frowned, and the hope died before it could properly grow. "At least I don't." He scrubbed a hand through his hair. "Quite frankly Emma, I don't know. I don't think there is anything, but I need to feel like I've tried absolutely everything before I give up." His fist hit the desk angrily. "I will not give up on any one of you without a fight."

*****

Wrinkling her nose in disgust at being disturbed, Betsheva peered down to see the usual men who came in their flashy-light-wagon to clear the streets of bodies.

She recognised one of the voices and lazily stretched her way to her feet with an enquiring chirrup. The man she was slowly training to be her slave opened a flap on his belt and produced a handful of treats that she delicately nibbled at, expressing her approval through loud purring. She concluded that his training appeared to be coming along as he scratched behind her ears without prompting this time.

He pulled away and she sat back satisfied, knowing that as he wasn't yet hers she had to bide her time, yet confident that it wouldn't be long before he was.

"Jeez, but that cat has you under its paw, Ray," came the voice of the pride-mate-of-her-slave-to-be.

"Yeah, yeah, now give me a hand with this one," Ray replied, and Betsheva watched indifferently as the two men checked the one-who-dropped-from-the- sky over for injuries before loading him into the flashy-light-wagon.

*****

Shalimar sat on the steps watching Brennan use the simulations to beat himself up. Detachedly, she wondered why Adam hadn't put a stop to it. The elemental was panting, red and sweating, and even sported a couple of small cuts - small enough that the safety program would not regard it as a problem, big enough that Brennan looked as though he'd been given a thorough beating. Instinctively, Shalimar knew that her friend and team- mate would continue until the safeties kicked in. She frowned as she automatically looked at the console and saw the small, blinking red light.

The idiot had shut the safety program off!

The feral side of her sprang to the fore, as the protective instincts that had failed to protect her friend-brother-pridemate-cub kicked in full force, determined to keep this pride-mate from danger, even be it by his own hand.

Slamming into the console she punched it into submission, the simulation blinking away and leaving Brennan to swing at empty air. It was indicative of his exhaustion that he was still registering the disappearance of his foes when Shalimar barrelled into him, knocking him to the floor.

Automatic reaction had him lashing out but, with his energy depleted, she easily caught his hand, pre-empting any blast of electricity.

"Stop it!" she hissed, eyes blazing gold fire. "I will not lose you too!"

They held position, muscles tense and poised, staring each other down. In the end it had to be Brennan that gave way, relaxing, breathing hard, gulping air.

Shalimar backed down, gold flickering out to her normal brown. "Don't," she begged, "please don't do this."

"I'm sorry, Shal," Brennan shrugged. "I just. I -." He shrugged under her.

"I know," the blonde said, sliding off Brennan to sit next to him as he leaned up on his elbows. Without the words to vocalise what they were feeling, they held each other for the longest time, as long as Brennan needed. For Shalimar recognised that, as her human side reasserted, so did the icy emptiness within her.

*****

The Duty Sergeant was not impressed by the young man who was lying flat out in the drunk-tank. Officers Butts and Brock had brought him in, just one of a handful of drunks, the rest of whom had stumbled out with massive headaches and slaps over their wrists.

No point in putting most of them before the judge; they were homeless and penniless and if they thought that drunk and disorderly charges would get them a bed in jail for a few nights, the station would be full to overflowing, as would the already crammed state penitentiary.

But the young man still out seemed too young and had nice quality clothes. Of course, he wouldn't be the first young adult to go on a bender, but it worried the Sergeant that he wasn't showing any signs of stirring. The duty medical officer had checked him over and pronounced the kid stoned and to let him just sleep it off, that he'd be cursing his way out of here by dinnertime, but dinnertime had been and gone.

He was still worrying when he glanced over towards the drunk-tank and noticed that the young man was no longer there. He opened his mouth to ask who let the kid go, but took in the fraught hustle and bustle and decided that it really wasn't important.

*****

Sound and light brutally smashed into his consciousness, smell and taste so strong and acrid he had to fight against throwing up, skin prickling and itching. Magnolia paint and steel bars spinning, he had to get away, find peace and solitude, somewhere to get a grip. Because here, wherever here was, was far, far too much.

So he ran without knowing where he was running from or to, strangely nothing getting in his way. Too busy minding their own business, no one noticed him running through bars and desks and walls. He ran straight through screechingly loud traffic that never knew he was there, through shops selling food whose aromas burnt his nose and throat.

Slowly, things started to make sense, but as his mind started to assimilate his surroundings, his body started oscillating, phasing and solidifying with alarming frequency. Instinct now kept him away from the traffic, away from people, using side roads and back alleys to lose himself. Keeping to the sidewalks where possible, he ran straight through a newsstand, yet in the next instant barrelled over and crushed a fire hydrant. Water gushed upwards and the down flow sprayed his over sensitised skin with needles that forced him to cry out loud. Frightened and confused, and desperately looking for shelter, he kept going, phasing through a cyclist to hit a brick wall face first with shocking pain rocketing through skull and shoulders.

But he picked himself up and kept going until, after phasing through a ladder and a scaffolding support pole, he crashed straight through the next two support poles and was brought up short by blood curdling cries. Almost in slow motion, he watched first one, then a second workman crash to the ground in moaning heaps. Then after a heartbeat, an eternity, the third workman thumped to the ground and laying unmoving, a crimson pool growing about his head.

People started yelling, for an ambulance, at him, at each other, and his continued disorientation froze him to the spot until someone pushed him out of the way. He'd killed an innocent with his fucking stupid powers.

So he ran again, until he couldn't run any more and collapsed exhausted to the ground.

*****

"Where's Emma?" Brennan asked, leaning against the doorframe to Adam's lab. He ached from the cuts and bruises he'd picked up in the training room, but Shalimar had checked him over as best she could using the med centre. He still wished he'd drunk himself into oblivion instead; at least the hangover would have been gone in a few hours.

"Hmm?" the older man frowned, without breaking his gaze from the monitor.

"Where's Emma?" Brennan repeated. "Shalimar doesn't think any of us should be alone for a while."

"Sorry, I don't know.." Adam replied vaguely, waving a hand towards the other side of the lab.

With an impatient sigh the tall elemental wandered over to the global locator. He had to stare at it for a while, thinking he'd been hit round the head a little too hard and was seeing double before he realised that there really were five rings showing up, instead of four.

He closed in on Emma's to find she was by the pond. Both he and Shalimar had checked there, so presumably the telepath had shielded herself from them. Focussing on the errant ring, Jesse's ring, Brennan was disturbed to find that it wasn't located at the Twin Creeks power station as might have been expected, but a good deal nearer; Boston, Massachusetts.

"Adam!" he called, "Jesse's alive!" Brennan bounced on the balls of his feet in excitement.

"Don't be ridiculous," Adam snapped, his eyes never leaving his monitor, "I- "

"I am not being ridiculous!" The older man's tone hit a raw nerve and Brennan's own ever-short temper leapt to the fore. He turned on Adam, eyes sparking. "Jesse's ring is showing up on the tracer!"

Adam blinked, his brain being unusually slow to process the information. When he did, he moved as if electrified, practically pushing Brennan aside as he pounced on the machine to start typing away madly, windows blooming and collapsing with a rapid intensity, almost faster than the eye.

"No, no.. this can't be. maybe." Adam muttered under his breath while Brennan, increasingly frustrated, leaned further and further over him.

Finally, the tall mutant could contain himself no longer. "What is it? Where is he?" he demanded.

"It. I. don't know. But it's unlikely that he's still alive, so don't get your hopes up." Adam now had that contemplative tone that he took on when sorting through ideas and theories, analysing, evaluating as he tried to find the right answers. "It is Jesse's ring, but he's not wearing it. I'm getting some audio, though."

Another tap-tap and, through static, a muffled, high-pitched squeaking could be heard.

Brennan and Adam both tried to make some sense of the sound, without success.

"It's a cat," Shalimar's voice came from the doorway as she and Emma entered the room. "What's up?"

"Jesse's ring," Brennan said, before Adam could start. "Jesse could still be alive."

Adam shook his head. "Unlikely," he said. "But we really don't know a lot about Jesse's power, any of your powers. There could be any number of reasons why the ring's appeared, from. from. the fact that it's made of base metals, the easiest molecules to bind back together. Or perhaps some magnetic residue. Perhaps it was never phased and you overlooked it, maybe."

"Whoa! Way too many 'maybes'," Brennan interrupted. "We should just get out there and look!"

Adam shook his head, "It could be a trap, it could be anything -"

A snarl made them all jump and glance at Shalimar in time to see her vanish through the door. "Shalimar!" Adam called, and his normal decisiveness came back into play. "Emma, go with her. Find the ring, see if there's any sign of Jesse and bring it back here." The young girl turned to leave, but Adam stopped her with a final instruction. "Most importantly, make sure Shalimar doesn't do anything. she might regret."

Emma smiled her acknowledgement and took off after the blonde woman toward the Double Helix.

Brennan slammed his hand onto a tabletop. "What about me!" he demanded.

Adam chose his words carefully. "I need someone here to keep track of the girls while I do some research."

"But Emma could - !"

"Brennan, listen to me!" Adam was clearly having difficulty holding his temper. "Shalimar is not going to be stopped, she's driven by instincts stronger than you or I could ever hope to curtail. Emma can be a calming influence on her."

"But -!" Brennan slammed the tabletop again. "I don't see why I can't go too!"

"I know you're itching to get out there, but try and see this as an opportunity to understand the functions that Emma and Jesse perform while you're normally out gallivanting. I need an extra pair of hands here and with a man down, you're it."

Brennan was not in the least bit impressed and made his displeasure known, but Adam forestalled him with a held up hand. "I don't want to hear it right now - we can discuss this later. Right now, I want you in communication with the girls and I want you to do a little research too. Find out about the area that the ring is in; send any information to the Helix, and search news listings for anything abnormal, anything at all. Even if it's - "

"I know, I know," Brennan held up his hands. "Even if it seems insignificant, it could still be significant."

"Right," Adam nodded and went back to his computer, leaving Brennan to it.

*****

Jesse slid open heavy lidded eyes and tried to focus through the gloom. It took him a while to realise that it was the room that was dim, not his eyesight, and that he was looking a ceiling that was not only half caved in, but also covered in damp mould.

It was a great relief to find that his environment was no longer assaulting his senses, and he tried to make some kind of sense of what had happened. He remembered his friends over him trying to help him get cohesion, but everything had slipped away, like trying to hold melting ice cream and finding it slipping between your fingers.

He didn't remember actually phasing out completely; it had almost been like falling into a dreamless sleep. But the memory of reawakening made him shiver. It had been something like coming out of complete sensory deprivation.

He brought a heavy hand up to rub at his eyes, and blinked slowly as it registered that his skin was glowing with the trademark red weals of his massed state. There was something wrong with that and it took him a few moments to realise what it was.

He was breathing.

Normally.

And the more he thought about it, the more he realised that in his mad confused run from. wherever he'd been, he'd phased and massed with no thought to breath control whatsoever.

He turned his head slightly, enough to see the floor, to see the red veins threading through it that told him he was massing the floor too.

A soft sobbing sound interrupted by a hard sniff brought his attention further towards the other side of the room. A cot was standing in the shadows and Jesse could make out a small child shifting about on top. But what made his blood run cold was the body lying on the floor next to it. A young woman, arms outstretched towards him, her lifeless eyes piercing him to the core. Her skin covered by the signature of his massing.

His mind flashed back to the men he'd caused to fall from great heights, and now this woman who must have suffocated to death.

Because of him.

He tried to withdraw, reduce mass, but it wouldn't happen, he couldn't control it. His hand suddenly phased of its own accord, flickered and re- massed. A floorboard near his head phased too, causing the timber on top to fall through to the basement below.

Jesse curled in on himself, wrapping his arms about his knees as shaking, shuddering reaction set in.

He wanted to help the child whose sobs tore at him, but he knew himself to be too dangerous. He needed to be locked away where he couldn't hurt anyone else.

*****

Shalimar focussed on her target with total intensity, but she could still feel Emma's subtle attempts to project calming thoughts and frightened the child off with a snarl. Now was not the time for mollycoddling, not when there was a chance that Jesse was still. recoverable.

The signal location became much clearer as they drew near, but they had to park the Helix some distance from it and although Shalimar was sorely tempted to leave Emma to her own devices, the more human part of her made her slow a little to allow the psionic to catch up.

The alley, when they reached it, was deserted, just a dumpster and some cardboard boxes in one corner. The signal told the two young women that they were on top of it, but even with Shalimar's enhanced senses there was no sign. There were the scents of humans and cats about, but nothing to be seen.

It was Emma that bent double to look under the dumpster and found the cat playing with something shiny. She tried to pull the feline out, but a fast paw swipe dissuaded her so Shalimar took a turn at trying to persuade the cat to give up its prize.

"I thought you had an affinity with cats," Emma said, arching an eyebrow in query as the blonde woman snatched her hand back.

Shalimar glared. "First of all, that is not a cat, it's demon spawn. And second of all, cat DNA does not a cat person make."

Emma sniggered and started to say something else when a voice from the open end of the alley interrupted them.

"So, what's going here then? Terrorising innocent animals?"

Two police officers stood on guard, hands hovering near their weapons.

Shalimar's hackles rose as she immediately went on the defence. Emma's awe of authority however, was such that Shalimar just knew that the younger woman would be of little or no help in a fight. Not to mention she could just hear Adam lecturing her on the pros and cons of attacking police officers who were only trying to do their job. So, much as it galled her to do so, she switched on the valley girl act.

Twisting her hair, she said, "Oh! I'm like, so sorry, Officer, but, you know, it's like, that kitty cat has, like, got something of mine, and, and." She let her lower lip quiver at this point, ". and I really, really need it back, see? Cuz, like it's a ring belongs to a friend, whose parents are like just gonna blow a fuse or something if it's lost, right, Em?" She bumped the other mutant with her hip.

"Uh, yeah, right. I mean, like, really blow up." Emma winced in demonstration of her non-existent friend's parents' anger.

One officer rolled his eyes in disbelief, but the other shook his head as he crawled under the dumpster and retrieved a mangy tabby with a sour expression hanging on to the ring between mouth and paw.

"Looks cheap enough," said the officer as he took it from the cat that was by now purring. He looked at them suspiciously before handing the ring over. "Who did you say this belonged to?"

"We, like, didn't," Shalimar smiled sweetly.

"Our friend," Emma answered earnestly. "Average height, our age, blond, blue eyed. Needs a shave and haircut and answers to the name of Jesse."

Shalimar threw her best glare at Emma. You just didn't give out information like that, no matter who they were.

Emma ignored her though and batted her eyelashes. "We might have misplaced him. He was supposed to be here, too."

"File a missing persons if he's missing." The officer said sarcastically before handing over the ring and returning his attention to the cat, "It's a busy day in your neighbourhood, eh, kitty?" He rubbed it behind the ears as Shalimar led Emma away.

*****

With a little time, Jesse found that his shaking subsided into a numbness that rationally he recognised as shock. He was relieved to find himself somewhat less disoriented than previously - though that wasn't saying too much - and that although it was slow and painful both physically and mentally, he was now able to think and move.

The kid was still crying, but at least was staying put for the moment. His main problem was gaining some kind of control over his powers, because although the whole breathing thing had been a problem, a limitation and a liability, it had also given him a kind of handle with which to control his density.

He remembered back when he first discovered he was different, remembered how traumatic it had been, even under the controlled environment of Adam's lab. He'd been fortunate enough to be transported there very quickly back then otherwise he could have died. Of course, back then, he'd only had to worry about starving or dissipating himself.

Now that his powers had grown to encompass other objects and people, he was a killer. One woman, at least one builder, and how many that he simply had not noticed in his confused flight?

He rewound slightly, some memory trying to surface from that time, that experience, but it had been a few years ago now and, until this most recent mutation, he'd used his powers virtually automatically.

Then it occurred to him. His breath control had never been dependent upon his powers; it was his powers that had been dependent on his breath control. It had been a self-made mechanism that Adam had encouraged, but he'd been using it for so long that it had become a part of his power.

While he'd been. not whole. it was like he'd been reset. His control and tolerances had to be rebuilt.

He raised his hand and began to concentrate, searching for the mental handle he could use to try and regain control.

It was slow and it was agonisingly painful, but he managed to bring his hand back to a normal density. He breathed a sigh of relief, then howled his despair as a painless snap reverted it back to a solid mass.

Gathering himself, he tried again, concentrating not on himself but on his surroundings, taking back the density that was spilling through the floor. It was slow, and his head ached more with each molecule, but it wasn't the agony of before.

This time when he stopped, the floor stayed as it should. As did the woman on the other side of the room, and Jesse was so relieved and beyond exhausted that he couldn't stop himself giggling hysterically.

*****

"Jesus!"

The muttered epithet startled Brennan in that its source was the normally ultra polite Adam. Emma and Shalimar were not due for a routine check-in just yet, so he covered the distance in two long strides to look over Adam's shoulder. "What? What's the matter?"

Adam tapped a few more buttons without answering before springing from his seat and clasping Brennan's shoulders with a tight grin. "It looks like you might just have saved Jesse's life." He gestured at the computer monitor.

"What?" Brennan was lost - science was not his forte and the speeding images meant little to him.

Adam excitedly tapped at the keyboard, causing the images to repeat over and again. "This is just theoretical," he cautioned, though the life flaring back into his eyes told of his own hopes. "I've been running simulations based on what you've told me happened. To put it as simply as I can, it's possible that your electrical shield prevented Jesse from dissipating absolutely, creating in effect a large transparent cloud. The fact that it was an electrical shield could have supported the synapses and electrical function, preventing death. It's a little off-planet, but with the amount we don't know, it's just possible that Jesse has literally been able to pull himself together."

"Adam, that's great!" Brennan cried, "I have to tell the others!"

"You go -oh! No! No, no, no. Brennan, wait."

"What?" The tall elemental was anxious as he hovered about the geneticist. "What's wrong?"

"Assuming we're running along the right lines, the chances are pretty high that, whatever state Jesse is in, he's going to be pretty unstable. God knows what his state of mind is going to be, or if his sanity is even intact."

"So what does that mean? That we've lost him anyway?" Brennan gripped the chair, white knuckled.

"It might not be good," Adam admitted before turning businesslike. "But I need you out there as fast as possible. When he's found, you may need to contain him. Exactly the way you did at the plant."

"I'm on my way," Brennan nodded grimly.

Adam nodded approval and said, "I'll bring the ladies up to date."

*****

Betsheva simply could not believe what she was hearing. How could her-slave- to-be not recognize that the-one-who-fell-from-the-sky was the same individual that this cat-not-cat and youngling-of-thought were hunting?

Whilst helping for no reward was against her ethos, family took precedence and the auras of both these females spoke of the-one-who-fell-from-the-sky being of kitten-littermate to them.

So when her-slave-to-be tried to put her down, she decided that she was not going to be put down until someone accorded her the attention she deserved and actually listened.

*****

Shalimar covered her ears at the horrendous yowling set up by the cat as they left the alley. The tone of the sound went sent shivers down her spine and the officer's attempts at consolation were clearly getting nowhere fast.

She was uncertain, but had learnt to trust her heightened instincts and had the impression that the cat was calling to her. It was only two steps backwards for her to check out what was happening. She leaned around the corner and saw the cat hanging grimly onto the officer's uniform.

"Come on." Emma poked her head round the corner too and giggled at the sight before tugging on the older woman's arm. "We have to get back!"

"Yeah, I know," Shalimar said, clearly distracted, before addressing the other Police Officer who was laughing at his partner's predicament. "Um, are you sure you haven't seen our friend?" she asked.

The man shook his head, then frowned. "What was the description again?" Emma repeated her words of earlier, and after a moment's thought the Officer said, "Well, we did pick up a drunk earlier that might fit, think it might've been from hereabouts too."

"Where is he? Where did you take him?" Shalimar could barely contain her impatience, and she felt Emma's calming hand on her shoulder. She was dimly aware of the cessation of the cat's agitated yowling, replaced by a loud purring.

The Officer shook his head as he replied between chuckles, "No idea, back on the streets somewhere I would imagine." He scratched at his chin and Shalimar saw Emma's eyes slide in the telltale mannerism she had when she was 'pushing' someone. "Come to think of it, there was some kid of a similar description involved in an incident downtown, but he ran off."

"Incident?" Shalimar felt a knot in the pit of her stomach. If this kid was Jesse, then he could be in any kind of condition, virtually anywhere in the warren of poor and derelict housing that littered the downtown area.

"Ran through some scaffolding and injured three builders out on Hanover and Walker. We wouldn't mind asking that kid a few questions, but to be honest the company won't be pressing charges. Their scaffolding must have been pretty weak for a kid to knock it down like that, which reminds me..."

The officer rambled on into irrelevancies and the two young women quietly departed, Shalimar taking a final glance back to see the first officer being thoroughly overwhelmed by a purring, kneading bundle of fur.

*****

Although it did seem a little easier than before, Jesse was still finding it a tough battle to retain some kind of control over his powers, struggling to ensure that only his body continued to phase and mass, instead of anything and everything around him.

Every muscle, sinew, bone and blood cell were still causing him excruciating pain from no readily identifiable source, but the sheer constant intensity came close to numbing him. Not that that was enough to prevent him having to grit his teeth whenever he attempted to move.

The child on the cot had quietened, but as he was responsible for what was probably the mother's death, he owed the youngster something. He needed to get mobile, go over to the cot and offer some kind of comfort, get the kid on its feet and out the door, hopefully to some place better than here.

The floors and walls seemed to be tilting at all angles as he staggered to his feet and stumbled over to the cot. It was only a couple of yards, but crossing the distance brought fresh waves of exhausted agony as he collapsed to the floor next to it, breathing hard.

He didn't want to touch the child for fear he might phase, or worse mass it to death like he had the woman, so he tried to talk to it. The pink blanket that hid the child moved a little to reveal jet-black hair and one enormous - and definitely female - brown eye peeking out.

Taking the time to gather his thoughts, Jesse soon realized that the tilting floor and walls, while not as violent as when he'd been trying to walk, were still undulating. Noise that he'd tuned out, thinking it was a part of the sensory assault he'd endured earlier, became a low, clear rumble as bits of damp plaster and rotten timber rained on him.

"Hey sweetheart." Jesse turned to the little girl, certain that asking her to trust him would be nigh on impossible given the assumption that he'd just killed her mother, but knowing he had to try anyhow. "We have to get out of here, okay?"

The one eye Jesse could see flicked between him and the woman on the floor.

"That's your mother, right?" Jesse asked, and the girl nodded. "Well, I'm sorry, but we can't do anything for her. What's your name?"

The girl didn't answer, so closing his eyes in an attempt to pull his scattered thoughts together, he changed tack. "It's okay, sweetheart, you don't have to tell me. But you know, we have to get out of here, or we're going to get hurt. Do you know that they're knocking this building down?"

Still the girl was unresponsive, so Jesse hauled himself upright and tried to demonstrate his intention, pointing at the doorway and making a motion of passing through it. His attempt ended with him falling into the frame, though, as white lights seemed to flash in front of his eyes, the rumbling throbbing louder and his vision trying to tunnel into darkness.

He didn't bother shouting; no one would hear over the noise, and he wasn't even sure he could have shouted anyway. He couldn't take the kid out and, although he thought about going outside, he didn't think there was enough time to stop them even if his powers weren't so screwed up.

He kept talking at the kid but she just stayed hidden, peering out from beneath the blanket.

And then the decision was taken out of his hands as a beam, ceiling and a shower stall from upstairs all plummeted down, narrowly missing him. Maybe they even passed through phased parts of him though he couldn't say anything for certain other than that he was suddenly on his knees, dust flying, the girl screaming and the way out blocked.

Plaster and strips of mildewed wallpaper fluttered down on top of him, and looking up he could see there was a hole in the ceiling, with the remainder of the ceiling cracking and preparing to fall at any second. Beams creaked and groaned and bricks grated on each other.

Unable to get creative, there really was only one option left to Jesse.

He half walked and half crawled and fell onto the cot, grabbing the girl and curling himself over her protectively, using the blanket as a barrier. Veins bulged at his temple and tendons stood out throat as he strained to mass himself and only himself entirely. God, but it hurt so much! He fought against passing out from the pain, against letting the molecular dance spread away from his body, against anything and everything, the seconds stretching until the inevitable happened.

And the walls came tumbling down.

*****

Having left the BMW over on Hancock Boulevard, Brennan sprinted towards his destination. With a tense smile, he spotted the two young women on the corner of Hanover and Walker as arranged, and jogged over to them.

"He was here!" Shalimar snapped by way of greeting. "It's about time you got here." And then she was off down the street following a trail only she could sense.

"Time of the month?" Brennan said, immediately regretting it.

"We only just got here ourselves," Emma reassured as they ran after the Shalimar. They had to work to keep her in sight as she ran down alleys and bounded over fences. A couple of times an inconvenient building blocked their way, but finally they came upon a block in a derelict area that was in the process of being demolished. According to the billboard across the street, to make way for a new shopping mall.

Like Boston really needed another one.

Scaling the fence and ignoring the steel ball swinging on the end of the crane, Shalimar bounded towards an enormous pile of debris that had clearly been some kind of building probably less than an hour before.

Emma shouted the feral's name, but Shalimar was not listening as she darted nimbly over rubble. Brennan caught the young woman's shoulder. "Think you can get these guys to stop work?" He indicated a little further over, where the men working were apparently not aware of their presence. Every impact, although not directly on the ruined building, was close and hard enough to send bricks flying.

*****

Emma nodded her assent while Brennan went after Shalimar. She was worried about the older woman, knew that she was more than capable of doing something pretty drastic, especially right now. Things had gone past keeping the feral calm, and Emma knew she could trust Brennan to help Shalimar do whatever was necessary, knew she could trust him to knock her out and drag her home if it came to that.

She shouted out at the workmen as she ran towards them, but there was no way they could hear her. She couldn't even attract their attention visually as they didn't seem to be looking at her direction.

Aiming for the man who looked to be in charge, Emma virtually ran into him in her haste.

"Tell them to stop!" she shouted over the noise.

Blatantly ignoring her, the man started to herd her towards the exit of the site, but Emma did not have time for that. With a single thought, she called up the familiar, comforting bubble from within and, suppressing her impatience, slowly pushed it from her mind to his.

Softly, underneath the raucous clamouring, she repeated firmly, "Tell them to stop. There are people in the buildings."

With blank eyes, the man brought up his walkie-talkie and said, 'Stop! There are people in the buildings!" His eyes cleared, and as he processed what had just happened, he swore. "Shit! How the hell did they get in there!"

Emma calmly informed him that the two he could see came in with her. "But," she said, "we believe at least one person was inside the building when it collapsed."

"Ah, hell! What's the insurance company gonna say!" The man swore again, accompanying Emma over to where Shalimar and Brennan were digging through rubble.

*****

Shalimar just knew that Jesse was here, so close she could almost taste him, so close she could smell the confusion, fear and anger mixed with his sweat and blood. She moved broken bricks and timber aside with ferociously inhuman strength, eyes blazing fury all the time. She acknowledged Brennan's help as he worked beside her, for once silent and unquestioning, simply trusting in her instincts.

Dimly she registered Emma's return with someone who tried to pull her away, heard Emma's command to let her be. Another time Shalimar might have been amused at the younger woman, little more than a child, directing a team of burly workmen.

More hands helping with the digging, a couple of bulldozers carefully shifting some of the bulk at the perimeter away. A howl of joy and anger escaped her as she lifted a chunk of beam to reveal a hand.

A cold, still, lifeless hand.

That belonged to a young woman.

But Jesse was nearby, so close that for one split instant Shalimar had been certain that the hand was his. She kept going, ignoring those who tried to push her out of the way while they dug the body out. And it wasn't too many minutes later that she found him under the remains of a wall, partially shielded by the cot.

Dark circled, red-rimmed blue eyes didn't quite meet hers as he gasped out unintelligible words. She wanted to hold him, brush back the too long bangs from his grimy face and tell him that everything would be okay. But through the tears that welled up in her own eyes, she could see that wasn't possible. To say those words would be a lie and, regardless of anything else, he was her little brother in all but blood and she had never lied to him, their trust was that strong.

And in any case she couldn't hold him, try to sooth his nightmare away, for he was phasing and massing increasingly erratically.

As workmen helped Shalimar move the rubble so they could get to the cot and pull that away to release Jesse, Brennan moved in, electricity sparking between his finger tips ready to provide a shield that might just help even though it failed last time, despite what Adam said to the contrary.

"No!" Jesse's shout was hoarse and clearly painful, but Brennan backed off as the trapped young man tried to explain. "I killed her mother." Shalimar looked closer, peered between Jesse's shoulder and the cot. She could see a small hand gripping Jesse's jumper with what looked like a white knuckled death grip. At the moment they could only see Jesse, curled on his side, and his bloodied right arm, the rest covered by the mangled cot, mattress and rubble. But knowing that there was a little girl in there, it was clear he was curled protectively around her. And now that she understood this, Shalimar could see a loose pattern to Jesse's control over his powers, his arms and probably his legs phasing in and out, while his torso oscillated between something like normal and adamantium density in his efforts to protect the child.

Once the cot was clear, Brennan forced Shalimar to stop digging, told her to look after Jesse. There wasn't enough room for anyone else and there was no point him trying to help the molecular right now, when he'd just end up electrocuting the kid. She looked at Brennan's scraped hands and then at her own, all bruised and bloodied. The workmen were the experts here and Brennan was right. So she sat by Jesse's shoulders, hoping he could feel the reassurance she was trying to project.

Shalimar tried to not let the silent agony that screwed up Jesse's face as they raised the cot get to her. His bloodied and obviously broken arm sliding off didn't seem to bother him, which spoke of the level of agony he had to be in already. He couldn't uncurl enough to let the little girl free for a while and, while she was thankfully very much still alive, not even particularly hurt, she didn't seem to show any inclination to leave her spot.

*****

Emma tried to persuade the child to come out but was ignored. The bricks phasing out beneath her knees told her that Jesse's tenuous control was slipping by the second, though. They needed to get her away quickly so Brennan could help keep him together.

She called up the bubble from inside her and gently pushed it at the girl, but was somewhat taken aback by the mental wall that blocked her advances. The girl's large brown eyes stared at her almost clinically, analyzing and judging. Emma tilted her head and considered the child in turn, before filling the bubble with warm reassurance and pushing it gently against the wall, asking to be let in but being careful not to demand.

Her smile was genuine enough even over her concern for Jesse when the wall gave way, sucking her bubble in. She found herself inside the girl's mindscape, visualized as a fairytale castle straight out of Disney.

Emma took a moment to try and interpret her surroundings. Behind her was the drawbridge that she'd come over to enter the girl's mind. The glass coffin over to the right held an image of the dead woman they'd found earlier in Snow White repose. Looking down at herself, Emma was amused to find herself rather shorter and more rotund that she was in reality and covered in the blue witches' outfit of Merriweather, and wondered if Shalimar and Brennan had been cast as Flora and Fauna.

The child herself was, naturally, the fairytale princess, complete with crown, and Emma wondered what Jesse would say if he could see himself cast as Sir Galahad. A Sir Galahad in shining armor who lay lifeless on the floor with the princess kneeling over him.

"They're asleep?" the Princess asked, her tone sad yet hopeful.

"Jesse is," Emma offered, "but he needs help really quickly. You need to let him go so we can try and fix him, okay?"

The Princess cocked her head and blinked slowly. "Okay."

Emma found herself gently but with uncompromising firmness pushed out of the girl's mind, and made a mental note to tell Adam about what had happened. She'd never before been inside someone's mind, and was unsure how much of that was her and how much was the girl.

But for now the child crawled out from her shelter and directly into Emma's arms, where she made it clear that she wasn't leaving. Emma was not unhappy, thinking that it would be better for the girl if Adam got to see her. The woman was dead and she didn't see anyone else rushing to claim her. Retreating to let Brennan do his stuff, she gave the foreman Adam's phone number to pass on to the police or coroner's office as a contact for the little girl.

A shout from Shalimar, and a long drawn out scream from Brennan, had her running back to her friends with the little girl hanging on tightly.

*****

Electrical fire burned through Brennan hard and fast, searing nerve endings, scorching organs and blazing into his brain. This was far worse than electrocuting himself in a puddle of water and he didn't have the luxury of passing out. Never mind that last time he had come within a whisker of dying, only Shalimar and Emma's presence and quick actions bringing him back from the dead.

He was unaware of anything except the vicious burning that would only stop if he powered down. But powering down would mean that they'd lose Jesse again, and that was not going to happen again if he had anything to do with it. It felt like his worst nightmare come true, his own powers being turned on him. But he'd faced that fear down, and while it still scared him shit out of him, he could deal with it.

He tried to push the pain aside, dumb it down a little, make it bearable, but it wasn't happening, and he couldn't keep going like this. There was no way in this lifetime he'd give up, but his body was threatening to surrender whether he liked it or not.

And suddenly a cool, soothing sensation flowed through him, calming rampaging nerves and synapses. He knew Emma was with him, projecting images of cold cream massages and beers straight from the ice box, mountain springs and melting ice cream.

Jesse was no longer fighting to keep himself together and was phasing and massing with frightening randomness and rapidity. The massing gave Brennan a little respite, but the phasing kept battering away at his shield as if Jesse were fighting to get out.

Emma's ministrations helped keep the pain at bay, keep it manageable, but it was still there, gnawing at the edges of his mind and body, and he knew that the longer he had to maintain the shield the more the pain would grow. And not even Emma's skills would stop that.

Only one thing would help him do what he had to do.

Last time Brennan had failed. Last time, he'd been taken by surprise. This time, knowing what to expect, knowing what he had to do, he was not going to fail.

Not again.

*****

Shalimar ran her hands through her hair, her normal decisiveness having fled leaving her unsure as to what to do now. Jesse was still conscious but physically erratic as all hell. The only consolation was his face was now relaxed, though his half open eyes stared at nothing. Brennan was putting everything he had into keeping the younger mutant together, muscles standing out, agony etched into his face. And by the fierce concentration on Emma's face as she knelt behind Brennan, holding his head, she was having a hard job supporting Brennan enough for him to work.

Shalimar looked about her, focusing onthe men who were still searching for other bodies - they needed to be directed, to be encouraged to forget about her and her team-mates, to only have to deal with the strange woman and child.

And how was she going to get the four of them to the Double Helix?

"Brennan! Shalimar! Are any of you hearing me? Emma?"

"Adam?" Shalimar asked uncertainly.

"Shalimar?" Adam's voice was clear if a little anxious. "What's happening? What's going on?"

Quickly, Shalimar updated Adam, mentally kicking herself for behaving like a little girl at a time when it was critical that she be the well trained, confident operative she usually was.

"We'll just have to deal with the workmen as best we can if any issues arise," Adam said. "As for the Helix, it's a short simple hop with open spaces; I'll pilot it by remote and set it down as close to you as I can. You're going to have to figure out the rest on your own, Shalimar, you okay with that?"

With her two main problems taken care of, Shalimar's mind was racing. "Sub dermal governor?" she suggested. "Why didn't we use that before? I mean, this is a drastic situation now."

"It won't take. Jesse's molecules are so unstable the governor would cause more problems than it would prevent, even if we could get it into him in the first place." A pause and he added, "By the way, I can confirm that there are no more life signs buried in the rubble."

With just a few minutes before the Double Helix landed, Shalimar looked around desperately for some ideas.

Emma could probably be guided under her own steam, and Brennan could probably be carried, but Jesse.

Shalimar's eyes sparked as she realized what she had to do.

She grabbed the foreman, but he ignored her, continuing to dig mindlessly through rubble. And when she looked more closely at the other workmen, they were all doing the exact same thing.

But Emma did not have that kind of power, and even if she did, she was focused solely on Brennan now -wasn't she?

Then Shalimar noticed the girl's wide eyes watching the men. The child still held onto Emma, clutching her blouse as tightly as she'd held onto Jesse earlier.

"Hey," she said to the girl, "what's your name?" The girl blinked and looked at her with her liquid brown eyes, but remained silent. Not having the time nor patience to beat about the bush for too long, Shalimar tried again. "Those men over there, is it you that's making them dig?"

Again there was no indication that the girl had heard her. " I guess, not." Shalimar's shoulders slumped in defeat. "I was kinda hoping I could get them to help me move my friends so we can get them help." She looked around for some other way to do what needed to be done.

"Ma'am?" The foreman approached her. "You need our help?" And the other men grouped around them.

Shalimar looked at the girl with a smile. "Color me so impressed, kid." She was taken a little by surprise as, out of nowhere, she found herself thinking of a happily singing and bouncing Tigger.

*****

When the Double Helix landed, Shalimar was ready to lead the strange little procession on board. She could only hope the builders thought it was all a dream, or that they'd been abducted by aliens, or something.

Having noted that Jesse was not phasing downwards, and with the mangled cot partially under him already, the solution had suddenly made itself blindingly obvious. It took some effort, and a couple of nasty shocks from Brennan's containing shield, but two of the men with their insulated welding gloves and thick boots were able carry Jesse on a rough stretcher while some of the others supported and guided Brennan and Emma.

But once aboard the Helix, her problems were not over. , Because while they were otherwise ready to go, Shalimar could not make the girl let go of Emma or find a way to send the men off the ship.

Adam unknowingly resolved the matter, however, when he told Shalimar that she should bring the girl with them to Sanctuary since she was clearly a mutant of some kind and apparently an orphan to boot.

And as soon as the decision had been made, the men departed.

Shalimar shook her head as she prepared the Helix for take off and said to the girl, "I don't suppose you can make them forget this ever happened, could you?"

As they rose into the air, her last view was of the workmen standing around the dead woman scratching their heads.

The journey home was not an easy one for Shalimar. With her four companions each in different states of consciousness, yet universally silent other than the snapping of electricity and the odd pain-filled moan that escaped Brennan's lips, she felt completely alone.

Emma was losing her battle, her face twisting as she fought to keep Brennan strong and Brennan was clearly finding each second harder than the last, his breath becoming increasingly harsh and ragged.

Never had Sanctuary seemed so very far away.

*****

As he waited for the Helix to land, Adam prayed that this would work. Resting on coasters beside him was something he'd made a long time before in the event of an emergency, but he'd never envisaged having to put one of his protégés in it, least of all Jesse. Being buried alive, and unable to use his abilities to get out, would have to be the claustrophobic young mutant's idea of absolute hell.

He remembered clearly how badly they'd all reacted when confronted with their worst fears at the hands of Henry Voight and Jesse's deepest terror had turned out to be being locked in one of Eckhart's pods. And now Adam was about to lock him in another. It was one thing when an accident or an enemy did something like that, but quite another when it was a friend.

The landing was somewhat ragged by Shalimar's standards but she was out the hatchway and helping Adam move the oversized pod into the Helix in seconds. Between them they got Jesse into the pod and secured it, but Brennan was still pouring on the energy, his single-minded concentration embedded so deeply by now that reality had no relevance.

Adam directed Shalimar to take care of Emma, but she refused. "It'll hurt Brennan too much. She's doing this to help with him with the pain. You didn't see him, Adam. If she stops, the shock alone could kill him."

Taking Shalimar at her word, Adam tried to get Brennan to stop; all his hard work was about to go to waste as the elemental overloaded the pod. And unfortunately, they were in an environment where removing the pod from Brennan's shield might save Jesse, but it would almost certainly kill Brennan, Emma, the little girl, if not Adam and Shalimar too. They couldn't afford for him to move his focus onto other systems in the Helix. They had to either get him to stop, or to move, and the latter seemed impossible.

"Brennan! Brennan, listen to me!" Adam grabbed the elemental by his shoulders as best he could without getting electrocuted. Brennan's eyes were rolled up and his mouth open in a silent scream, his body tightly locked.

Willpower is a marvelous thing, and can enable a person to perform as Brennan had done, as he was still doing, but it can also be one of the hardest things to break once invoked. Adam could not afford to be subtle or gentle and, palm open, he slapped Brennan hard across the face. And again.

Eyes fluttered and silence became vocal.

"Brennan, stop! You're killing him. You can stop now!"

Mouth moving, asking questions that his brain couldn't quite formulate, Brennan powered down.

"You did a great job, Brennan," Adam told the exhausted mutant, taking in the feverish glaze and dark circles. "You've saved Jesse's life. You need to rest now." That seemed to be all that Brennan needed as he finally let go and passed out on the floor of the Helix.

The movement was enough to disconnect Emma who slumped back into Shalimar's arms. "We okay?" she asked weakly, her hands feeling out the little girl who still hanging on to her.

"We're okay, kiddo, great job."

"Mmm." Emma's eyes wandered around vaguely as Adam did a visual check. "Shal?" she sounded for the world like the child that, to Adam at least, she was.

"Yes, kiddo?"

"My head hurts."

*****

Jesse floated in a pleasant haze of senses so far overloaded as to be beyond registering anything. He'd disconnected from his body, which seemed far better than the alternative, the excruciating agony that his physical being was suffering. It was too much to deal with.

If he'd had one inkling as to what was causing such pain he might have stood a chance at getting a handle on and dealing, but he didn't. The whole thing was a catch-22 situation. The less control he had, the more he altered density, the more pain, which in turn caused loss of control and so on. And it was all too intense to break the cycle. He'd tried it.

He'd tried it for the sake of that kid, and had no idea whether he'd succeeded or not.

At least he'd been so focused on control that he'd not suffered his usual anxiety or panic at being trapped in a small space. Silver linings and all that. He remembered the appearance of daylight, though, and the sense of relief that it had brought, so some part of him must still have been aware of it.

He recalled some sense of his friends, some sense of safety so that, when he finally could not hold on any longer, he had some idea that just maybe they'd be there to catch him. When he let go, he could feel some shell surrounding him, something protective, and something that would prevent him from losing it all together, so he'd let go in more ways than he'd intended.

He'd felt someone screaming. and all he could think was that he'd caused someone else to fall, or suffocate, or worse and so he withdrew somewhere where the guilt, terror and pain couldn't reach him.

The journey back to Sanctuary was a non-event for Jesse, barely aware as he was of all that was going on about him. But he knew that they'd reached home because not only did he have a sense of Adam being there, but the screaming also stopped,

It was dim and peaceful for the longest time, and Jesse was comfortable in this disconnected state. He recalled it as a place he'd visited regularly as a child, almost forgotten once he'd gained control of his powers, and now a familiar safety net that he wasn't too keen to abandon.

But one thing that Jesse Kilmartin was not was a coward.

He had to regain control before he hurt anyone else. He felt as if he'd regrouped enough that he could give it a damn good shot or die trying, and was well aware that the latter was a distinct possibility.

Reconnecting presented a dilemma that was kind of like entering an ice-cold swimming pool, though. Was it best to dive in head first, or ease in gently? In this case, given his recent experiences, easing in would definitely be the preferable option. Like easing inside a wall, easing through six feet of concrete and steel. And with that in mind he took a first tentative step back to reality.

The pain was intense, and still seemed to have no source. He tried to take charge a little at a time, frightened by the way his body's demands reeled him in with irresistible force. But this time, he was just a little more in control. His body was still phasing and massing with excruciating regularity, but he didn't seem to be taking everything around with him.

And with that growing awareness of his surroundings, he finally focussed on the shiny silver walls that encased him and screamed in denial as they shrank inwards, burying him alive again.

Through the glass panel above him, though he could see Adam's face, lips moving silently. He wanted to trust his mentor, but he of all people should know that doing this to him was a betrayal of sorts. He felt trapped in more ways than one. Whatever he did, he couldn't get away, confined by collapsing rubble, by stainless steel walls with - for want of a better term - multi-phasic shielding, by electrical field and psionic shells, by well-meaning friends who couldn't understand...

And why the hell was Tigger bouncing around his head?

*****

Shalimar was in the kitchen making coffee awkwardly with her freshly bandaged hands when she heard Jesse's cries, and sprinted for the lab. Adam was bent over the pod, trying to reassure him, but Jesse obviously wasn't listening. In fact, as she joined the older man in his attempts, she really didn't think that Jesse was hearing or seeing much of anything at all.

Abruptly, Jesse slumped back, and Shalimar's initial reaction was to panic as she thought Jesse was passing out, getting worse, dying, something. But he only relaxed into a writhing delirium, not dissimilar to that unforgettable moment when he'd crashed to the floor in front of them at the power station.

A movement at the corner of her eye, and the child was standing in the doorway. Torn between staying with Emma or Jesse, she'd been persuaded to get a nap with Emma, but the psionic was out for the count now, and neither she nor Brennan was expected to wake up from their much-needed rest for a good few hours.

"Hey." Shalimar held her hand out to the girl who, clutching a pillow like a teddy bear, wandered over and climbed onto the blonde's knee. Shalimar snorted in amusement when she received an image of Sir Galahad (still in his armour) in a four-poster bed, with Tigger and the Princess on one side and Mickey Mouse as the Sorcerer's Apprentice on the other.

"So, what are we doing?" Shalimar asked Adam once her mirth had faded back to worry. "What's wrong with Jesse?!

Adam concentrated on a slim canister the size of a pen as he spoke, making adjustments. "Well, as I can't get a fresh blood sample I'm guessing a little, but with the original samples and new scans, it seems the nerve gas hasn't dissipated as it should have done, probably due to Jesse's chemistry."

"Because of his mutation?"

"Exactly. Molecular's bodies aren't like yours or mine; the blood, bones, muscles, it all behaves differently. The same way as elementals are different again; the electrical impulses in Brennan's body and brain work completely differently, Emma's mind as a whole works differently again. Funnily enough, ferals probably have the closest to normal human biology. It's part of the reason why you're all categorised, so that we can learn from comparing like with like."

"Like lab rats," Shalimar sniped a little bitterly.

Adam looked up sharply. "You know better than that," he said.

Shalimar looked down at Jesse, restlessly moving as much as he could in the confined space, hands constantly pushing the walls away while his blood shot blue eyes wandered randomly without ever seeing beyond his prison. Adam was right, she didn't mean what she'd said, but because of their every nature they were prone to people wanting to experiment. And regardless of their intentions, it could often be cruel, even if, as in this case, it was being cruel to be kind.

"So, what are we gonna do?" she asked, looking Adam straight in the eye.

Adam held up the little canister. "I'm hoping that this will encourage the nerve gas to leave Jesse's system. It's a gas that can be added to Jesse's air supply, and ten minutes after that we flush him out with oxygen. Hopefully, he'll be able to do the rest himself."

"Hopefully?" Shalimar queried, her eyes narrowing, the streetwise kid in her always checking for loopholes.

Adam frowned slightly. "He's been through a lot. Let's wait and see, shall we?"

*****

He couldn't think. He hurt so much he just could not think straight. Concentrating on just dealing with the pain took up almost every ounce of willpower he had. The little he had to spare was dedicated to keeping his power within his own body. He knew he was completely encapsulated, but having the ability to stop his powers from affecting anything else was the first step back to total control.

But it was so damned difficult that it was getting harder and harder to ignore the little voice that said he'd never regain control, that he'd be forced to live in a coffin for the rest of his life, that he should let the falling building crush him, that he'd never have known if he'd dissipated like he was supposed to have done.

Then it all changed, the pain of his own cells skittering in disorganized confusion mutated into molecules ripping apart from other molecules in an angry frenzy of screaming fire and he was screaming so hard his lungs were forcing their way up his throat and.

. plunging into ice cold water, cooling and quenching and so sizzlingly freezing he couldn't stop shaking and he was so used to the pain and fire that the cold and freedom hurt almost as much, slicing at his skin and most especially his abused lungs, his sweat freezing on his face. His breathing came back under his control and he touched the frosted Perspex above him, marveling at the fingers that phased and massed at will. The disciplined control he'd learned in the early days came back so quickly it was as if it had never left. In one sense he wished that he had absolute control of his powers, that he'd be able to breath normally, but the greater part was grateful that he had this technique to stop him going out of control, to stop him from hurting, from killing anyone else.

He waited patiently for a few moments, fully expecting Adam to pop open the pod and say, 'Welcome home, you're all fixed now,' or something of the sort. He could be patient; the half memory of actually being buried alive stood him in good stead now. All the times he'd been stuck inside walls waiting for enemies to pass, helped too. But those times, he'd known there was an 'out'. And being buried with the girl, he'd been so delirious he really didn't remember much of it anyhow. He could stand being trapped in this pod for a short while, though, couldn't he? Until they got around to opening it up.

But they didn't.

Nothing happened.

Not even a disembodied voice on the comlink. Okay, so no ring. There had to be a voice link into pod, though. But there was nothing even to tell him anyone was out there anymore.

W what if they'd given him up for dead? What if he'd phased out so completely they didn't know he was in there in any more? So that they were going to leave him in this freezing coffin, to all intents and purposes, buried alive?

He banged on the casing with massed fists, demanding to be let out, demanding an answer that didn't come. And the longer he tried, the more the panic he was trying to hold back surged up until he abruptly went from massed to phasing so fast the air popped. He pushed the envelope, only one thought in his mind, to get out.

His hands each found an egress, small grids, one of which was his air supply, the other the speaker where Adam, someone, should be talking with him.

The speaker did not offer any practical escape, the gaps around the woofers being too small, but the air supply...? He tried to think about what he knew. There would be a compressor of some description. Adam would have built this thing for pretty much any kind of mutant they might find. But he was panicking so much, his breath coming so hard and fast he was finding it hard to think logically. He had to get out, simply had to, in any way he could.

*****

Shalimar could barely hold her tears back as she listened to the muffled cries and thumping from within the pod.

Jesse had overheated so suddenly with Adam's antidote that the cold oxygen flush had clashed violently with the heat he was giving off, creating permafrost on both side of the Perspex and short-circuiting some of the electrical systems. They could no longer talk to Jesse, nor could they scan him properly, only guess.

Shalimar wanted to get him out of there right now, and she left dents in the back of the metal chair she was using as she viciously tamped down her instincts to get her hurting pride-mate out of danger. She knew that Adam was right to leave it as long as possible to be sure the gas was completely out of Jesse's system, but that didn't stop Jesse's pleas and curses from tearing at her heartstrings.

A curious sucking and gurgling sound came from beneath the pod, and it was with sudden alarm that Adam changed the airflow and popped open the pod.

Frozen air mixed with blurred form surged out of the container and spilled onto the floor as Adam yelled, "Power down! Breathe, Jesse, breathe! You're safe and you're out, but you have to get yourself together!"

Shalimar added her own pleas and reassurances, and slowly the blurry form coalesced and sank to the ground, whole and in control, but curled around his mangled arm.

She dropped to her knees beside Jesse, lifting a questioning look to the older man as she tried to work out what had happened. "He tried to push himself through the air duct," Adam explained in a strangled voice, seeing answering shock bloom in her eyes as he sank down next to her.

*****

Jesse lay back on the all too familiar black bench as Adam and Shalimar worked on his arm. They had decided to wait until Emma was awake before fixing it properly; they didn't dare introduce any more foreign agents into his system such as painkillers or anesthetics, and she could probably damp the pain down to a manageable level. For now though, he had to listen to his doctor and his nurse tutting over the bloody limb.

Shalimar had given him a rocket for shoving an already broken arm into hole where it just wasn't going to fit, no matter who you were. He couldn't be bothered trying to explain that he hadn't even realized it was broken in the first place, that it was nothing compared to head to toe agony he was feeling. Even now, his recovering nerves only felt the damage as a deep throb.

Adam was quietly professional now, having reassured them all that the nerve gas was well and truly out of his system, and that Jesse was back in control.

He didn't feel in control though.

He'd survived this time round. He was in control at this minute. But he'd hurt people, killed someone, couldn't even bring himself to look at the kid who wouldn't move from his left side, who insisted on holding onto his shirt when he wouldn't let her hold onto his hand.

Shalimar tried to make him laugh, but he turned away because he didn't feel like laughing anymore.

*****

Not one to be easily pushed to her limits, Shalimar was there and beyond. Jesse's responses were monosyllabic, and he looked like he'd died inside. He positively flinched from the kid, and while he tolerated their ministrations, he was clearly uncomfortable with being touched.

This, from her open, tactile best friend and little brother, if not by blood then certainly by soul.

"Why won't you talk to me, Jesse?" she'd asked him, forcing him to look at her with a hand pressed to his forehead under the pretense of stroking his hair back. "We've all been through so much, especially you, I'm not going to lose you, not now we've got you back."

And he'd looked at her with those once sparklingly innocent blue eyes, now a hopeless, empty gray and told her flatly, "I killed the kid's mother. I couldn't control my stupid powers and I killed her mother. I hurt some others to, but I killed her mother, and I can't allow that to happen again."

Shalimar stayed with Jesse and the kid, talking at length about nothing in particular while Adam went to the communications center to look up Proxy Blue.

It was a while before he came back, but when he did he was almost smiling.

"Jesse?" He tried to get the injured mutant's attention, but Jesse steadfastly looked away. "Jesse." This time Adam put himself in Jesse's line of sight and refused to let the younger man avoid him. "Now you listen to me, Jesse Kilmartin, you did not kill that woman. According to the coroner's report, she died with enough heroin in her system to OD half of Texas. You did not kill her."

Jesse stared, a brief hope lighting his eyes before he looked away again. "That's not the point. I could have killed her, I could kill again if I lost control. I still hurt some people - what about the builder who smashed his skull open?"

"In the hospital, Jesse," Adam interrupted. "A fractured skull, but he was lucky, no permanent damage."

Shalimar had had enough. "We've all hurt people! We all worry about hurting people. You think I don't worry about going feral for real? You think Brennan hasn't electrocuted someone by mistake? Emma has nightmares about exploding people's brains." Her tone softened and she tried to draw Jesse into a sisterly hug like they used to share, but he shrugged her off. "I know that doesn't help right now, but you have to learn to live with it, and to make sure that it never happens again." She looked sternly at him. "By not making the same mistake twice. You saved a life, Jesse, not took one. And yes, you hurt some people. But I don't think any of those people would hold that against you if it meant you saved a child's life."

But Jesse still turned away, and Shalimar could only hope he just needed time to think things through.

*****

From anyone else what she said would just have been so many words with no real meaning, but Shalimar was probably the one person he trusted absolutely. Since Noah had betrayed him, he'd found he had a just a tiny bit of doubt about everyone except the woman who, although not that much older, had taken him under her wing since he'd first woken up terrified in Sanctuary as child.

But he was too deeply shocked by everything that happened. Maybe he hadn't killed, maybe he had even done good, but how could he ever be sure that he wouldn't kill in the future? And he couldn't kill anyone, it just wasn't in his nature, couldn't live with himself knowing he could kill someone. Even unintentionally.

Like driving a car. You never know when someone's going to step out in front of you.

The damned kid would not go away.

Shalimar was there again, telling him she cared about him, yet again. But how could she? And the kid...

And then he was in a fairytale castle. A fairytale princess with dark eyes and black hair stood below him holding onto his foot and looking up with adoration. On the other side, Tigger was jumping up and down and singing 'It's a Wonderful Life," while giving him huge, smothering hugs on every bounce.

Over in the corner, a short round blue witch lay gently snoring with visible 'Z's' streaming from her mouth, while sprawled in the middle of the floor Goofy was snoring like a chainsaw with sparks of electricity dancing on his nose.

And as for himself, not only was he in shiny silver armor with a ridiculously long twirly moustache, but he was perched on the back of glittery white charger.

And he couldn't help himself.

He laughed.

This time, when Shalimar tried to hug him, he not only let her but returned it. And the girl too.

Like driving a car, there were risks in every day life even without mutant powers.

He just had to deal.

FINIS


End file.
